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Today happens

My name is Neil Today, I’m just a dude.

Today while driving home after watching 3 hours of TV with a friend, I began to contemplate my life. I’d give you an introduction to myself but soon you wont need one.  I’m a comedy fan, and a TV fan at that. Over the past few years it has grown more difficult to dedicate over 2 hours to one movie.  Even hour long shows begin to chip away at me. There is something beautiful about knowing that in 30 minutes, I will have sufficiently laughed and a show will be over. I’m all about efficiency.

In an effort to avoid going off topic too much and saying tons about my apparently interesting self, I’d like to say what I originally intended. Its 11 at night, pitch black outside and I’m cruising on the freeway and a steady 70mph.   I don’t ‘zone out’ per-say like I used to when I was a kid, but I had almost one of those out of body experiences.  Even though I knew that I was moving on the freeway, it felt almost like I was still and everything was moving past me.  Reminded me of how time never stops, even when you’re standing still.  I don’t know why I came to this place, its been 8 months already and it still feels unfamiliar. Visiting, that’s the best word to describe it.  It feels like I’m moving in no particular direction.   I don’t even know why I came here really, I guess having no where else to go had a lot to do with it. Ever feel like you’re not you? I feel that way the past few months. Like I remember who I am, but I’m not that person.  What I remember of myself seems almost like someone I met in a dream.  The memories I have are of me, I am in them all, however I see myself in them as if I was watching, as if it wasn’t really me there. I was taking a shower a bit ago and felt more like I was just controlling some big meat suit. I felt disconnected from me I guess, from my body at least.  It’s kind of crazy how we can never really see ourselves. We see our image in a mirror sure, but its just a flat reflection.  We never really get to see what we look like. We never see who we are to an outsider.  The best we get is seeing most of our front side, our limbs and depending on how far you can turn your neck, from the lower back down. The view is still so close its hard to put into perspective. Lets be honest, 99 percent of the people out there are never going to see us from as close as we see ourselves.  I hear those wax sculptures of celebs are amazingly accurate, also that the people who they are crafted after have a hard time believing that its them.  Really what’s in a body? The face is what really matters, its how we recognize each other. Faces are all incredibly unique, and we can’t even physically see our own face. Weird huh.

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